So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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