Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
