Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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