Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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