So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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