ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
