Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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