Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
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I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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