I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
