He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
