Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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