I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
