My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
