yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
