I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
