Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
