Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
