It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
