you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
