I cockslap morals
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
