Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
