You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
