i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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