When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
