I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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