You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
