That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
