I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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