I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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