You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
