Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
