you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
