No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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