Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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