I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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