Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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