I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
