There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
