so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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