She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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