it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
