Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
