dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
