I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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