Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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