how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
