That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
