I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
