I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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