The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You are the jesus of drinking
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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