You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
