Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
