he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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