I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
