you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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