A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
