Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
