Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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