Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
