It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
