Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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