are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
