Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
