I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize