Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
