I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
