i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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