I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
