I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
