The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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