don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
