nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
