haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
