All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it glows. i had to have it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
